Family

HKFWS takes a “Family-centric” perspective for service development. We believe family is paramount and devote ourselves to strengthen family wellbeing. Regardless of family backgrounds or facing difficulties, we are pleased to provide support. We also utilise community resources to alleviate their imminent hardships. Some advices are provided by our professional team derived from their past working experience here for your reference when you are in need.

  1. I envy couples are in romantic relationships. However, I always argue with my husband when we start our conversation. Any tips for me to maintain harmonious couple relationship?

    Marriage is a lifelong commitment and needs both parties to make an effort to enrich the relationship. It is common for couples to argue on trivial matters. In fact, it is not easy for two people who come from different families, backgrounds and have divergent values with their lives intertwined. The key to maintain harmonious relationships are to keep sustaining “love” and “passion” and feel being understood and support. In this way, couples could have an energy to tolerate and accept their weakness, appreciate and commit each other in their marriage.
     
    Couples are always overwhelmed with household work, children’s homework and parenting problems. It is easy to take it for granted to expect their partners to share family responsibilities. It will trigger off blaming and conflict as well as feel being hurt when this fall under their expectation. A quarrel is not so bad if it is in a positive manner. It could provide an opportunity for couples to understand each other and their underlying needs more and look for solutions.

    You can find the right time and use right words to express your concern and facilitate positive communications. Maintaining harmonious relationships can even start from a trivial thing and you can try a small step as the following :
    - Prepare a bowl of hot soup for your husband after work;
    - Connect your husband with what’s app messages such as “Thanks for your hard work” & “Miss you”
    - Have a walk or buy groceries or take care of children together
    - Give a hug or massage to husband

    Hope these tips help you.
     

  2.  How to strengthen couples’ relationships through festival experiences?
    You can make use of some special festivals to create new or interesting experiences with your partners to fresh your marital relationship. For example, during Valentine’s Day or wedding anniversary, you can give a little surprise to your partners by preparing a special dinner or small gift. Let your partner feel “happy and blessed” and it can have a sweet memory for both of you. When facing adversity, you can also share your with “warmth” message and stay with her / him. Marital relationship will become stronger and more stable.

  3. We have married for more than 30 years and yet I don’t know how to break the ice with her?
    A couple must maintain communication no matter how long you have been married. To understand and respond each other’s concern can help improve the relationship. Since you are in a mature age, you may have encountered a lot of changes and challenges such as deteriorating physical condition, changing in work and family role, life planning in twilight years, etc. All these issues need concern, care and support from your spouse. Therefore, we encourage you to share your feeling and concern to your wife.

    If you would like to get more intimate with your wife, perhaps you may take a break with her for activities or voluntary services in district elderly community centres and neighborhood elderly centres. If you have enquiries and need help, you can ask the social worker there for help.

  4. I have been married with my husband for several decades, but we seem like miles apart emotionally. Can anyone help me? I don’t know what he thinks and how to start a conversation with him. Can you teach me how to communicate with him?
    The Chinese saying, “Women are to take care of the family while men are to work outside” have been deeply rooted in men’s mind. Men are used to be the breadwinners to shoulder all the responsibilities and hide their problems. They seldom articulate their problems in daily life and just let the wife handle all household work. As time goes by, you two seldom talk to each other and make you feel the “distance”.

    A conversation can be started from something minor. For example, you can show your concern to him in daily life conversation such as, “The weather will be cold next week, is your coat warm enough? Do you need me to accompany you to buy a new one?” or you may take the lead and start sharing your views with her in your daily life as well. This may help build a bridge between you both for dialogues and emotional link.

    If you would like to create more conversation and shorten each other’s distance, I encourage you and your wife to join activities or voluntary services in district elderly community centres and neighborhood elderly centres. If you have enquiries and need help, you can ask the social worker there.

  5. After my son and daughter in law have separated, I am the one to take care of their eight-year-old daughter. As I am already over 60 years old, I wish I could get some help to relieve my burden.
    It is very challenging for an elderly to take care of a granddaughter on her own. You are suggested to consult a social worker to find out what kind of service will be available and appropriate for you and your granddaughter to meet your needs. Referral service can be arranged for you if needed.

    Our centres provide a number of service which might be helpful for you. These include after school care and support for children, etc. You might visit the Integrated Family Service Centre nearby for enquiries.

  6. My daughter who is in primary four always loses her temper recently. She even said she wants to kill herself. I worried that she has emotional problems and am desperate to learn how can I help her.
    First, it is suggested you express care and concern to your daughter, guide her to tell you what is bothering her and try to listen to her patiently. If needed, you might contact the school social worker or the teacher to get a better understanding of your daughter’s situation at school. It will be helpful if you will be able to find out if she has troubles handling school work or coping with peer group pressure, etc, which has caused her anxiety. At the same time, you might think about if her problem is triggered by any recent family incident or crisis. Once the cause of her problem can be identified, you can work with social worker to determine follow up work or therapy format, such as game therapy.

    Lastly, you are strongly advised not to avoid talking to your daughter about the problem as it will only get worse.

  7. I’m unemployed recently and my landlord has asked me to move out. I would like to know if there are any social resources available which are helpful for me during this difficult time.
    Coping with the challenges of unemployment and residing at the same time is really stressful. You may be eligible for applying some emergency aids and other means. You are suggested to consult a social worker to discuss viable short-term and long-term solutions. 

  8. My husband spends all his time at home playing video games and is reluctant to share any housework or help the children with their school work. How can I make him take up his parenting responsibilities?
    A husband needs to have some private moments at home after a long day of work so the wife is advised to avoid chattering all the time. You may try to encourage your husband to consider the interest of the children, and enhance their communications and interactions. And you are reminded to talk to your husband in a mild and calm manner. If you deem necessary, you can consult professionals. Our Integrated Family Service Centres provide parent support courses and support services for men which can facilitate couples to share parenting responsibilities.
  9. I suspect my husband is having an extramarital affair so I am very depressed and always suffer from sleepless nights. What can I do?
    It is of the utmost importance that you take care of your emotions first and not making any major decisions when you are emotionally unstable. If your sleeping problems persist, you should consult the doctor. Taking care of your health should have priority over handling your marital issues.

    You are advised to consult professional counselors or talk to your close friends. And you might want to ask yourself how do you want to handle this relationship. No matter you have decided to rebuild the relationship or separate with your spouse, you can also find relevant support in the community.

    You are advised not to approach the person having an alleged affair with your spouse to avoid being emotionally provoked by her words. Instead you are advised to have a frank chat with your husband calmly. Reproaching him won’t help. Remember you are trying to reach a consensus and solve the problem.

    Services provided by our Integrated Family Service Centre or Mediation Centre might be helpful for you so please seek help if you deem necessary.

    Source: Ms. Lok, Social Work Consultant, Hong Kong Family Welfare Society